at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
