remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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