Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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