apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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