I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
