Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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