No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
