Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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