Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
