How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
