It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
