2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
