His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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