i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize