Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
