i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
