i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
