Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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