Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
