I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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