Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
