What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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