You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
