Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
