blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
