she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
