nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
