Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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