She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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