he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We have started to decorate penises.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
