omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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