I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
