You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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