I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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