I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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