According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize