She is in my trunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
