It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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