Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
