someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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