she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
