with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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