well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
