Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
