there's paper in my vomit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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