just come out here and I will go home with you...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
