If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
