just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
