before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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