Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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