the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
