Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
