So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize