I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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