i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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