Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
