Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize