Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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