So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize