It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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