Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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