I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
