A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
