I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
