Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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