Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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