I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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