question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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