You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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