True but thats because hes a fetus.
He kissed a someone with a penis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's like a pop up book from hell.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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