I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
