Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I will pee on everything he values.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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