I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
