do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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