I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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