oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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