please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
