That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
