WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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