I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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