True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
