You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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