at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
