My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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