I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
