Dual....:-)
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize