have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
