Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
