I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
