I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize