I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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