JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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