Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
