I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
