I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
