That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
